Full Circle

A year ago in April, we found out from Dr. J that Brian has varicoceles.  Now here I sit, in the waiting room of the surgery center at our hospital as Brian goes through varicocele repair surgery. It was a humbling feeling, seeing him in that cap and gown with an IV in his hand as they pumped fluids into him during the surgery prep.  Humbling because it made what he was willing to do for me seem so much more real.  The sacrifice he is willing to make for me gives me a lump in my throat as I realize how deep his love for me must really be. Don't get me wrong, Brian is perfectly comfortable with the thought of having kids with me, and once we do have kids, I know he's going to be the best Dad I've ever met.  But right now, this is much more so something I want, and he is doing everything he reasonably can to make me happy.  He could be happy if it's just the two of us forever.  I'm enough for him.   But for me to be truly happy, I need to know that we did everything we could to try to have a baby.  If it doesn't work out in the end, I'm starting to realize that he's enough for me too.  He's more than enough.  But I've always wanted to be a mother, and before I can let go of that dream, I need to know that we tried everything we could. I'm going to pampering and spoiling that boy rotten once he's done in the OR!  I've already got a brand new gaming mouse waiting to surprise him with when we get home.  Bought him some of his favorite candies for a little Easter basket too... It's not much but I just want to show him in all the l title ways I can think of to show him how grateful for what he has done for us, for me.