A week spent caring for other people's children

Yep, I spent a little over a week doing daycare for 6 kids from ages 4 months up to 6 years old.  After the first day of it, I went to visit Mom in her hospital room and she asked if I was managing ok… given my sensitivity about babies and kids right now.

The truth was, I didn’t have too big of a problem caring for other people’s kids despite the fact that we’re trying so unsuccessfully hard to have our own right now.  Believe it or not, the 4-month-old baby was the best part of the whole thing.  You’d think that would be the hardest because it’s so close to the one thing I want most right now.  But I guess I’ve just always loved babies and kids and going home to my Mom’s and helping with (or in this case… doing it solo) daycare still feels good, like I’m getting my “baby fix.”

For me, caring for and spending time with children is not like hearing about other people brag or complain about their children on Facebook.  It’s completely different when you are doing something active with a child, and you know you are doing something important, or valuable, or needed.  When you are making a difference, really helping, you connect with the child and it’s not about you.  It’s not about what that child’s parents have and you don’t.

Rather, it's about what that child needs right now and what you can do about it.  And like everything else in life, practical experience teaches you, and you learn how to be better in the future.  I figure my life-long-learning experiences with children will make me be the most amazing mother someday, when our time finally comes.  I mean, how many other women have had THIS MUCH experience with kids before becoming a parent themselves?  Plenty, I’m sure (teachers, nurses, daycare providers, etc), but not many that I personally know of in my peer group – so I’d like to continue believing that this makes me special and I’ll be a super-mom because I so-patiently-waited for such a long time. J

Anyway, it gives me comfort and satisfaction to connect with a child.  I feel validated when I successfully soothe a child, make them feel better, or teach them something.  I feel like I am right to want a child of my own.  I feel like I will be good at being a mother someday.  I feel like all this wishing, hoping, frustration, angst, despair is all worth it.  Because in the end, this is something really important to who I am.  And after all this time and after all these hurdles… it’s still who I want to be.

That, and rocking a baby to sleep always has been and always will be my favorite thing to do, ever.

World Turned Upside Down

Only about a week and a half after B's surgery, I had to leave town and he was on his own for all the household responsibilities, including 3 daily walks with our two dogs.  He was in pretty good shape by then and was quite the trooper.  He did a great job of taking care of himself and our "life" when I had to unexpectedly travel out of state for nearly two weeks.

I was getting ready for work one morning (actually I was getting ready to drive about an hour away to attend a library conference) and I received a phone call from my sister.  She asked if I’d seen the texts she’d sent me during the night and I said no, I must have slept right through them.  Turns out my mom had gone to the hospital and had emergency surgery overnight!

My mother is diabetic and gotten a small scratch on her finger a while back, but it had healed over and scabbed just fine.  One day, she noticed that her finger was starting to feel achy, so she thought she’d better keep an eye on it.  The next morning it was starting to look a little red, but as she does daycare in her home, she couldn’t really do anything about it during the day but ice it during the children’s naptime.  By the end of her work day, the redness had spread all the way down her hand into her arm, so she knew she’d better go get it checked out.

Long story short, after being turned away from two urgent care clinics, she was admitted to Mayo Clinic with a severe staff infection and had surgery that night to cut out the infection.

My mom spent a week in the hospital and had a second surgery while she was there and a third one after she’d been home a week or so.  The entire time, her family took turns driving her to the hospital for follow ups, administering antibiotic infusions at home, cooking healthy meals for her, taking care of her house and yard, and here’s the kicker… doing daycare for her.

In my next post I’ll talk about what that experience like for a woman struggling with infertility.

B's Surgery Update

How things can change in a month and a half!  Last time I wrote about our specific infertility story, B was in the OR undergoing his surgery.  I’m very happy to report that the surgery went well.  Afterward, Dr. J came out to tell me that B had done well and that the varicoceles had actually been much larger than he had realized from the previous physical examination.  This is a good thing because larger veins = higher improvement rates (normally).

It’s been about five weeks since his surgery and the patient is doing well.  He was very sore and achy for the first week or so.  In fact, he still gets kind of sore if he moves in the wrong direction sometimes.  But overall I’d say he’s recovered remarkably well.  He did wind up taking one extra day off work, but within about 10 days, he was resuming all activities as normal… he had to.

Stay tuned for my next post on what happened in our family shorty after B’s surgery!

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a little bittersweet yesterday.  I wasn't too sad.  B and I just stayed home with the pups and took care of "us".  We had given my mom & grandma some gifts the weekend prior, and sent flowers to his mom and grandmothers.  We each called our mom's as well.  But other than that... and the hundreds of Facebook Status updates from others yesterday, there wasn't too much to remind us that it was supposed to be the worst day of the year for me.

It's funny, when you're in high school and college, there are always the girls who say that Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year for them.  They were eternally single of course.  But I never understood them.  Even when I was single on Valentine's Day, I thought of it as a day to celebrate love in general, and if you were not in a romantic loving relationship, then by golly celebrate the other loves in your life, your friends & family!

I kind of feel that way about Mother's Day too.  I was more focused on it being about our mom's than the fact that I want so desperately to be a mother myself.  I felt a little left out when all the acquaintances I am "friends" with on Facebook kept posting about how great it is to be a mother yesterday.  And I have to admit I get peeved every year when the dogs get B a Father's Day Card & Gift... yet they never get me anything for Mother's Day ;)

Other than that though, it was a pretty okay day.  One sensitive relative posted in her Facebook Status a comment not only for all the mothers, but also for those of us who are still waiting for our own little miracles.  That really touched me and I appreciated her thoughtfulness.

I read a great post on another infertility blog this morning about Mother's Day for Infertiles.  She included the ecard image I used above and also lists some great resources in the post that I highly recommend.  She also referred to a poem she had posted last year on Mother's Day that I thought was pretty good and am re-posting below.


Poem from another Infertility Blog: http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/


“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

The Cade Foundation: Help with Infertility Costs

I was so excited to find this in my news feed this morning!  I'm grateful, inspired by, and even kind of dumbstruck by the generosity of others who give to causes like these.  


B and I are hoping that his recent surgery will prevent us from needing expensive ART in the future, but its comforting to know that foundations like this are out there for couples like us out there if we need it.

Infertility Solutions: Grand & Giving Foundations

I want this so bad! - Sage Spoonfuls (Homemade Baby Food Kit)

If I ever kids, this will be the first item I want.  Too bad I can' justify spending this much right now when there is such a good deal going!


http://deals.mamapedia.com/deals/sage-spoonfuls?utm_campaign=3428&utm_medium=email&utm_source=deal_alert_sidedeal_0


By feeding children homemade, organic, locally grown baby food, parents are not only giving them the most delicious and nutritious food—they are laying a strong foundation for a lifetime of healthy food choices. By spending just 1 hour every 2 weeks, parents could have a freezer stocked with healthy and delicious baby food, made from safe, natural ingredients.

https://www.sagespoonfuls.com/

Full Circle

A year ago in April, we found out from Dr. J that Brian has varicoceles.  Now here I sit, in the waiting room of the surgery center at our hospital as Brian goes through varicocele repair surgery. It was a humbling feeling, seeing him in that cap and gown with an IV in his hand as they pumped fluids into him during the surgery prep.  Humbling because it made what he was willing to do for me seem so much more real.  The sacrifice he is willing to make for me gives me a lump in my throat as I realize how deep his love for me must really be. Don't get me wrong, Brian is perfectly comfortable with the thought of having kids with me, and once we do have kids, I know he's going to be the best Dad I've ever met.  But right now, this is much more so something I want, and he is doing everything he reasonably can to make me happy.  He could be happy if it's just the two of us forever.  I'm enough for him.   But for me to be truly happy, I need to know that we did everything we could to try to have a baby.  If it doesn't work out in the end, I'm starting to realize that he's enough for me too.  He's more than enough.  But I've always wanted to be a mother, and before I can let go of that dream, I need to know that we tried everything we could. I'm going to pampering and spoiling that boy rotten once he's done in the OR!  I've already got a brand new gaming mouse waiting to surprise him with when we get home.  Bought him some of his favorite candies for a little Easter basket too... It's not much but I just want to show him in all the l title ways I can think of to show him how grateful for what he has done for us, for me.