April is going to be a hard month for me

When it rains, it pours.  


I am really not looking forward to April.  I'm dreading it.  I'm trying not to think about it, but it's going to be a month that really tests my strength.  I hope I will have the courage to be a mature, selfless, and lady-like person, but if I fail at times, please bear with me.


Two of my closest friends (and we're talking like top 5 best friends of all time here...and I have A LOT of different groups of friends so you know if I am putting them in this category that I feel REALLY close to these girls) are pregnant and due in April.  One early in the month, and the other later toward the end of the month, so they're dragging it out... eh... hem... spreading it out for me.  Oh, and, one of them is due with her second within the past two years.   Yes, she'll soon have two under the age of two, while this little piggy has none ;-)  As if that wasn't going to be emotionally tough enough: two, yes I said two, women at work are pregnant and due in April as well.


This sucks.  I so want to be happy for these women and be able to sincerely celebrate their blessing with them.  I don't bear any ill will with them, and its not like they've been in my face at ALL.  They've been unknowingly (or maybe knowingly, idk) sensitive during their entire pregnancies.  Hardly ANY facebook posts at all, the two girlfriends told me themselves that they are were pregnant before telling anyone else so I had plenty of time to process it, and when we talk, none of them bring up their pregnancy unless I ask about it.  They're doing everything right.


But that doesn't mean April is going to be easy for me.  I know I'll be happy for them when their bundles of joy all arrive, I'll be excited to hear about the names of their new precious little babies, and I'll even get to a place where I'll be excited to meet them and hold them.  But that doesn't mean their won't be some conflicting emotions for me every step of the way.


I wanted to write this post so I can be prepared for all the emotions that may hit me in a few months.  Maybe by working through some of them now, early on, I can fast forward to the acceptance and since joy part of the experience!  Actually, the more I'm thinking about those happier moments, the more excited I am already getting to meet these new little people!  See, it's working already ;-)