I received the link at the bottom of this post from my MIL (mother-in-law) the weekend we were trying to make our difficult decision about whether or not to cancel our IVF cycle. She was strongly trying to persuade us not to go through with it (my mom on the other hand, was strongly in favor of us doing it, so she was a tough one to break the news to of our final decision, but anyway...)
My MIL's exact words to go along with the link were: "I found it overwhelming but you are younger and more in step with these scientific developments. Does not look like a walk in the park."
I know she was hoping it would horrify us. But the truth is, I'd done so much research on this, that she wasn't showing me anything I wasn't prepared to see, or honestly didn't already know.
I know it frustrated her, but I got the exact opposite reaction to seeing this photo-journalism piece than the one she was hoping for. My response to her was this, "
"Thank you so much for sending this thought provoking piece. [B] and I looked through it all and read every caption together. It really brought us closer together and provided a platform for us to discuss how we are both feeling about this new phase in our struggle with infertility.
I'm sure its obvious how emotionally invested I am in all of this, so it's not really surprising that I felt strongly connected to the woman in this story. It was so comforting to read about someone else who is going through the same thing we are. I couldn't believe how eloquently she was able to describe exactly how I am feeling about our struggle to conceive a child. Her story gave me strength and courage for our own struggle, especially as things get tough and we hit new bumps in the road.
I was reading some of the comments below the article that other readers submitted. Many were supportive but I was surprised by the amount of negativity she received for putting her story out there. People were calling her selfish and vain, telling her she should "just adopt." Don't people know that adoption costs even more than IVF, and it isn't for everyone, even if they could afford it?
I just don't think that people who have never faced infertility can understand the feelings of inadequacy, betrayal from your body, and utterly consuming sadness that many women feel when they are diagnosed with the inability to do the most basic of all human needs: to procreate. Everything we are wired for is to drive us toward this one purpose, to reproduce. And comprehending and recovering from the knowledge that you are not able to do this would not come easily or naturally to anyone."Let's just say that while I was hoping to elicit some kind of empathy, or understanding of what I'm going through, or frankly, even some acknowledgement of how difficult this must be for me emotionally... my email didn't get the kind of reaction I was hoping for. I won't share the details of what followed, but it is important to note that it was not because of my MIL's influence that we chose not to go through with the IVF. Of course her feelings matter to us, but we had actually made the decision to cancel the IVF before she even became that involved in the process.
Anyway, this is still a really powerful piece and worth a look, so I wanted to share it. Because it still may be our fate at some point down the road:
http://www.slate.com/slideshows/double_x/infertility.html
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