I Guess Kids are Part of Every Stage of Life

I travelled safely home from Dallas earlier this week.  I was so excited to see B & the furkids when I got home!  B had cleaned the entire apartment for me so I'd have a nice clean home to return to.  He even changed the sheets the day I got home so I'd have fresh bedding to sleep in!  It's good to count blessings like these so you can lean on them when times get tough.

On the flight home I sat next to a grandmother from a smaller city up north.  She was very nice and very talkative.  Unfortunately for me, she had just been down to Tulsa to stay with her son and his family.  His family with three children plus a newborn baby.  She was there for two and a half weeks.  Oh boy.  You'd think that since I wasn't sitting next to a young woman in her twenties or thirties I'd be saved from the dreaded topic of babies coming up for once.

She went on and on about how much fun she had babysitting while she sent her son and his wife out for the evening because "they really needed it."  She complained about what a poor mother her daughter-in-law is because she can't stay off her iPhone long enough to help get the older kids ready for school in the morning.

This poor, wonderful, happy little grandmother had no clue that I've been reeling from the pain of infertility lately.  She couldn't have known that I had just cancelled an IVF cycle less than two weeks ago, which in my mind equals my best chance at a baby this year.  And you know what, she wouldn't have had a clue about any of it from her conversation with me either.

Why not?  Because I was genuinely interested in what she had to say and was sincerely pleased to have met her and listened to what she was talking about.  I wasn't just being polite.  It's crazy to me that after everything I have gone through and am continuing to go through, when push comes to shove, I can still be just as interested in the topic of children, motherhood, and families as I ever was.

Kids and family life are just such a strong part of who I am, that I guess I can compartmentalize my own pain over infertility from my personal interest in a stranger's family life.  Weird.

It gives me hope though.  It demonstrates that infertility doesn't define me (as a good friend recently reminded me), and so if I am ever able to move beyond it (whether that be through a child or acceptance of what cannot be), I will still be the same person inside that I always was.  Someone who loves kids and wants to talk about baby names and nursery decor and child development & learning, and discipline (that's a big one!).

So to the little grandma out there, thank you for sharing your happiness and stories with me.  You gave me more than good company to make the flight go by faster.  You showed me that there is light not only at the end of the tunnel, but also in the midst of the darkness.  I just have to keep my eyes open so I can see it.