I think I'm harder on former infertiles

Photo from Cosmopolitan web article,
 "Pregnant Chicks Who Brag Too Much"

Most pregnant women are smug.  There, I said it.  They just have this smugness about them.  They are part of "the club" and they let everyone around them know it.  This is why Facebook and other social media networks are not always a good friend to the infertile.  Pregnant women are everywhere, posting announcements of their pregnancies, ultrasound pictures, nursery pictures, and statuses about how much they can't wait for their pregnancies to be over.

This is something most infertiles, and frankly even fertiles know about.  But here's a question, are infertiles harder on former infertiles?  I think I am.  

I expect more from my sisters who have been where I am.  I find it hypocritical that women who used to bemoan the "in your face" postings of others on Facebook, do the same thing when they finally graduate from infertility and get pregnant.  Worse yet, once their child(ren) is born, and they can't stop talking about "my son" this or "my daughter" that.   Yes, we all know you are proud to be a parent.  And we are all truly happy for you, really, we are.

But have you forgotten something?

How could you so blatantly disregard the feelings of the infertile friends you left behind?  Don't you remember what it felt like when fertiles used to go on and on about their pregnancies and new babies?  Has it escaped you that you used to dread baby showers?  Do I need to remind you that the only reason you could forgive their behavior is because they probably were unaware of the silent plight of so many of the women around them?  But you don't have that excuse, do you?

Yes, I hold former infertiles to a higher standard.  They know first hand the hyper-sensitivity that infertiles experience from every non-chalant comment, picture, post, shower invitation, etc.  When they were infertile, they wished those around them would be more empathetic to what they were going through, and so it is inexcusable that they would not be advocates for their infertile sisters once they graduate and move on from infertility.

Don't get me wrong, they deserve to be happy about their blessings.  And I'm happy for them.  They give me hope and inspiration that it will happen for me too.  They finally got what we all want and are supporting each other to achieve.  And who doesn't love success stories?  

But please, if you once struggled with infertility, and have now been blessed with your miracle child, just remember how it used to feel when it seemed like everyone around you was rubbing their pregnancies/children in your face (even if they didn't mean too).  You have an opportunity to be a better role model, and frankly, to continue being a supportive friend.

I know it is probably unfair of me to hold you to a higher standard than anyone else.  And admittedly, this entire post comes off as a bit selfish.  The sad truth is that infertility at it's worst turns even the best of  us into people we never wanted to be.  But I do feel that it's important for me to post about this because I don't want see the world as fertiles vs. infertiles.  Rather I'd like to see it as sensitive vs. insensitive.  I beg you, please don't become one of them, the insensitive.

And to all my friends who have been where I am and have since been blessed with the family we all hope for.  I mean it when I say I'm happy for you and you inspire me.  I don't want to be a foul-weather friend, there for you when you are struggling and abandoning you when it is time to celebrate.  Not at all.  I want to continue the same supportive relationship we worked hard  to build.  So please, share all your happy news with me, just be sensitive with me.